Before I delve into this post I just want to note that this is my truth. I understand that we should love our bodies as they’ve done great things by housing and keeping our babies safe but sometimes our minds tell us something different. I am truly grateful that I’m able to bear children and the way I feel about my body does not take away from the love that I have for my kids. Now that I’ve gotten that out the way let’s get into it.
I have never felt this self conscious about my body as I do now since having my second child. It’s taking a lot to actually pen this on paper and publish it publicly. After Naeem, my first born, I dropped so much weight. My belly was flat, my thighs were small even my ‘family arm’ as my sisters and I call it, was looking trimmed. I was the smallest I had ever been in my adult life. I felt so yummy, I was oozing confidence, I actually loved that you couldn’t tell I had just given birth.
1 month postpartum (Naeem)
That feeling of euphoria had put me into a false sense of security. When I got pregnant with Rayan, although unplanned I was happy and grateful for my little miracle. Again in this pregnancy I hadn’t put on much weight I was literally all bump. I actually feel sexy when I’m pregnant lol.
9 months pregnant (Naeem)
Anyway, so I anticipated the big postpartum loss like I had with Naeem. I planned how this time I was going to maintain it and stay looking yummy for longer.
So again I lost some weight but I noticed it wasn’t as drastic as the first time but I was thinking I’m sure breastfeeding will sort this out like it did the last time and the lack of sleep. That was literally my weight loss secret, breastfeeding on demand and sleep deprivation. Only this time it wasn’t as effective. Then after a while I started noticing that I was looking more plump. I was putting on weight around my upper body and face, I started to develop a bulge around my midriff. To be honest I just felt completely yuck! The complete opposite to what I expected to happen, so you can imagine how unimpressed I am by this weight gain.
I don’t take as many pics anymore. So here’s another pic of me feeling sexy whilst pregnant (Rayan)
What was worse was I had zero motivation to do anything about it. Instead of trying to sign up to the gym and changing my eating habit I was looking on real self and researching doctors and procedures. My state of mind on how I viewed myself got so bad that I was willing to go under the knife to fix it because I just didn’t feel like me.
I’m not going to lie I still haven’t completely ruled out surgery but I have decided to actually put effort in getting my body right naturally. After seeing a very recent pic of myself I knew I need change Now! So I’ve signed up to slimming world and I lost 4lbs in my first week yay me! And I’m truly enjoying it, I’ve just bought myself a Fitbit too (DM me on insta if you want to challenge me) and I plan to start gyming. I have free membership at work so it’s just a matter of getting up and going. Although I have taken on Rugby as a sport.
Another thing I should have mentioned is that being overweight runs in my family, I did well to shrug it off for many years but I’ve recently felt like it’s all catching up with me it’s in my genes so I have to be careful not to let myself go too far otherwise I could spiral into obesity. Diabetes also runs in my family and I had it in both my pregnancies so really and truly not only am I doing this for aesthetics and to feel good about myself but it’s also to avoid chronic health issues. I also want to get my body right so when I decide to have another child I do not want to have to be going to the diabetic clinic every 1-2 weeks and having to manage the condition.
I know a lot of mothers feel the same and all I can say is I understand but if you want it as hard as it is you have to get up and do it, I’m testimony to that. I also know a lot of other people will probably be thinking I need to love myself, stop being insecure or allowing social media and celebrities to influence how I feel about myself, blah blah blah. This is genuinely not to do with social pressures but how I feel about myself, I want clothes to sit right on me, I don’t want a bulge or FUPA even if Beyoncé is loving hers kudos to her. I want to feel confident again being naked and in my own skin and the only way I will is by taking action which I have. It’s all good and well complaining about it but if I don’t do anything about it then It’s just going to stay like that.
For those mothers who do feel the same way I do, just know you’re not alone you can do it if you will it. What I’ll start doing is a slimming world weekly diary blog post for anyone that wants to join me on my journey. You can also follow my slimming world Instagram page for daily updates.
This post is a Mother Hen Club post you can find Mother Hen on instagram so head over and give them a follow. For more information click on the link https://expertpaservices.lpages.co/mother-hen-club/ xx