Back To The City – Maternity Over!

13 August 2018 that’s the day I returned to the city. The day I kissed my babies goodbye until I kissed them hello again 10 hours later. I walked out & I felt… relieved! I know that may sound awful but I’m being honest about my feelings. I’m not used to being out of work for so long. Even after Naeem I went back a lot sooner. By the way this is not to say I didn’t miss them, I was just glad to get up in the morning with an agenda, put some clothes on, put make up on, actually interact with other humans around my age and quite frankly make money. I’m sure I’ve told you in one of my previous posts that I’m a contractor, so if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.

So today marks four weeks since I started and I’m still enjoying being a working mum. It feels good coming home and seeing their cute little faces greeting me at the door. It’s nice getting back to normality and really appreciating the weekends.

Maternity leave can really put you in a bubble and if you’re anything like me it’s a very repetitive bubble. I would literally wake up, give the kids breakfast, watch endless episodes of Peppa pig or the new fave, Ben & Holly, eat lunch watch more episodes. It was a continuous cycle day in day out.

It wasn’t until I was about to go back to work when I decided to go to one of the local parks in my area, a park I never knew existed. I met a lovely fellow mum of two and we arranged a play date a few days later. We had a lovely picnic in another park and it felt good. Interacting with an adult whilst our kids ran around together. At that moment I contemplated being a stay at home mum.

So although I’m loving having some baby free time during the day, it’s still bittersweet. As much as some people may find my feelings a little controversial I’m only saying what most mum’s are thinking. Im a firm believer of ‘not just a mum’ we also have our own identity so don’t feel guilty for enjoying a bit of time away from the kids or wanting to do something other than just mothering all day.

So, about returning to the city, I feel great. I’m able to provide for my kids whilst enjoying a bit of a breather and I don’t love them any less in fact it’s true what they say, absence makes the heart fonder!

I’ve collaborated with a few other lovely mummies Rachael, Lucy and Laura so click on their names and head over to their page to read their thoughts on going back to work.

I’m now a Mother Hen whoop whoop and this post is a Mother Hen Club post you can find Mother Hen on instagram so head over and give them a follow. For more information click on the link https://expertpaservices.lpages.co/mother-hen-club/ xx

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Naeem’s Adventure with Paw Patrol!

Hey guys! How amazing are penwizard for gifting Naeem with his very own personalised book?

This morning I heard my buzzer ring, the postman said I had a delivery, I was racking my brain thinking I didn’t order anything then it hit me, ‘ahhh Naeem’s book’ I got all excited to open the package. You would think the gift was for me.

How beautiful is this book please? I love the fact that it weren’t a one character fits all and I was able to personalise the little boy to somewhat resemble my son. I had the option to choose the hair colour and style, skin and eye colour. I also had the choice of what colour t-shirt he wore, whether the character wore glasses and the gender. The process was incredibly simple.

I mean I do believe the range could be slightly more diverse and there is room for improvement for the characters to look more like the kids but it’s definitely a good effort, I’m not mad and it’s an animation after all.

The essence of the story is that it’s Naeem’s birthday and he’s invited to spend time with with the Paw Patrol when his trike breaks down. This leads them onto an adventure to fix Naeem’s Super trike.

The story is written in simple plain English for little kids to understand. One thing I really enjoyed was how exciting the adventure was and the fact that Naeem could relate to his character. I loved the way his little face lit up and said “me” every time he heard his name.

The book is neither too long nor too short and is just the right length for young kids. The bright colours really attracts children’s attention.

I genuinely think this is a great present idea for young kids as the adventure is set on the child’s birthday.

Thankfully I was able to hook you, my lovely readers with a 10% off discount code: PAW10 so if you wish to get this book for your child or a gift for a Paw Patrol fan then I’d suggest you head over to Penwizard to personalise the book and don’t forget to use the code above to knock off some change.

Don’t say I don’t let you in on the goodies 🙂

Ria xx

The 4th Trimester, the things they don’t tell you about after you’ve given birth.

You’re probably thinking what on earth am I talking about, we’re only told about 3 trimesters. That’s the the thing, no one tells us about the after birth affects but don’t worry, I’m here to spill the tea.

So I’ve just given birth to my 1st, in a somewhat calm and controlled manner (nothing like Rayan’s eventful delivery) and I’m just enjoying a moment with him on my chest, he came surprisingly clean not like how the babies look on one born every minute with all that gunk on them, he actually looked like he had a shower before meeting me.

Anyway I did a bit of delayed cord clamping, something I researched and thought would be cool to do apparently there are benefits for doing it. After some time my husband was called to cut the cord then I was asked to deliver my placenta. Honestly you read right, I actually had to go through the process of pushing, then pausing and then panting, basically everything I just did to give birth to my baby, I had to do again for my placenta to come out. To be honest after delivering a mini human, delivering a placenta isn’t bad at all in comparison.

After everything was out, baby & placenta they then asked if I wanted pain relief before they examined me to make sure everything that was meant to be out was out and to check for any tearing or grazes. So me being the naive first time mum that I was I said yes. I was taken by surprise when she shoved a tablet up my back passage. I mean why had I never heard about this? I had a little graze which she put a little triple stitch in and I was good.

That was all done, I slept for a bit, got cleaned up then I was wheeled to the postnatal ward. On the ward a midwife assistant came around with the drug cart asking everyone if they wanted painkillers, I was surprisingly fine so I said no. I didn’t know what was ahead that’s why otherwise I would’ve been smart and taken some. Fortunately for me my babies manage to latch straight away with no problems. So that’s how I realised quickly why the lady was going around with the cart like a drug dealer. The pain I felt in my stomach every time Naeem was feeding, was like labour all over again, they said it was ‘good’ pain, it meant my uterus was contracting, which should help my tummy go down quicker. I soon called the shotter back to deal me some painkillers. I did not read this in any of the books, nor was I told about this after pain at antenatal classes. Heck even my so called friends and family couldn’t give me a heads up. And did you know, it gets worse with every child.

See this next bit I kinda had an incline, I heard loads of people talk about the 1st time you go to the toilet after giving birth. Because of all the horror stories I heard, I was mentally prepared for it to be one of the worst things ever but do you know what? I was actually fine, as long as you pour water at the same time as you wee it should dilute it and not sting so bad so there’s a hack for you. However if you’ve torn your perineum, that bit between your mini and your bum then you may want to pee whilst laying in a tub of water. You might think that’s gross but I’d rather do that than go through agony after just giving birth. Another thing I’ve heard about ladies who’ve either teared or had episiotomy which is when they cut your perineum that bit between your mini and bum, apparently doing a number 2 is no joke but they encourage women to go as many get constipated because they avoid going through fear. I can’t really comment about this but I’d research it before labour if I were you, in case their are hacks out there to ease your journey easing lol and you never know it may not be as bad as you think.

Another thing is how society tells you to feel after you have your baby. They make it seem like it’s all rainbows and unicorns. The reality is not every body feels like that and it’s ok. I mean I was happy and I did love my baby but I didn’t have that overwhelming feeling of love that comes gushing out as it’s depicted, I didn’t cry uncontrollably, I believe my love grew as the days went on. What I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t feel like love at first sight. You’re not not normal, you’re human and everyone’s emotions and hormones work different. I have a friend who wanted nothing to do with her baby when she was first born, she was still in a state of shock from the traumatic delivery but now her daughter is a little madam and they’re like best friends. The affection isn’t always instant and that’s fine, trust me when I tell you, you are not alone.

So the cat’s out the bag now ladies. I didn’t write these things to scare anyone from having kids, I just believe that things are better when one is informed and expectations are managed. With all my experiences I’d still go again because it’s all worth it in the end.

The Copper Coil…

…yes, you know the tiny piece of copper that’s ‘supposed’ to prevent you from having a child.

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Well I can tell you first handely that that shit don’t work.

You want to know how I know?

IMG_1797.JPGThis is how! My second born was a contraception worrior! He defied the odds. He’s a living example of the saying ‘no weapon formed against me shall prosper’.

Let me take you right back to the beginning. So I had just given birth to my first son, I was happy as Larry. I said to myself that, I’m going to give this child my all for at least five years before I go again. I wanted him to experience being an only child, spoilt with love for a few years before another child came along and rained on his parade.

With that in mind I decided that I would go on contraception. I did my research, I knew I didn’t want anything hormonal and I definitely didn’t want to use condoms, I mean who really does? If people did there wouldn’t be so many unplanned pregnancies. Anyway so lo and behold I was recommended the copper coil.

‘Intrauterine device (IUD)
An IUD is a small, T-shaped plastic and copper device that’s put into your womb (uterus) by a doctor or nurse.
It releases copper to stop you getting pregnant and protects against pregnancy for between 5 and 10 years. It’s sometimes called a “coil” or “copper coil”.’ 
NHS website 

Apparently it’s meant to be over 99% effective pfft from the many stories I’ve heard you might as well refer to it as something that assists pregnancy rather than prevent it. 

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Well at this point I didn’t know how bad it was, I thought yup this is the one for me, it’s not hormonal, once removed you can resume conception immediately and I don’t have to remember to do anything. Result!

I went to the sexual health clinic, took a number and sat in the waiting room for like two hours sitting there like an embarrassed teenager not trying to make eye contact with the people seated around me. Head in my phone as per usual until my number was called. Now, I didn’t know this at the time but at this point I’d recommend you pop  two painkillers. You’ll find out why later on. I sat down, went through some health questions, had a pregnancy test done and then it was time. I hopped onto the bed, the doctor measured my cervix then applied local anaesthetic. The insertion was plain sailing, I didn’t even realise she had finished. I jumped off the bed then sat on the chair as she explained some information regarding the particular coil she had just inserted. As I was sitting there I could feel a build up of twinges in my lower abdomen.

I left the clinic and the twinges turned to full on cramping, they were getting stronger and stronger to the point I broke out in a sweat. By the time I got on the bus back home, I felt like I was in labour. I finally got home, my goodness, I was kielled over in agony, like 7cm dilated kind of agony. I took two painkillers and went to lay down. Thankfully that worked and I was fine. But do you see why I said you should take the painkillers just as your name is called? So you don’t have to go through the unnecessary pain I did.

So that was the insertion process, the problems didn’t end there, I was spotting continuously for months! So irritating and inconvenient!

After about five maybe six months the spotting stopped, however I faced a new issue. The coil dislodged, I could feel the plastic. So I went back to the clinic and the lady took a look and was like yep you’re right that coil has come down. So she removed it and inserted another one. She claimed that my cervix was longer than the previous lady had measured so it probably was never fitted correctly in the first place. So I said fine and I was off on my merry way. A few weeks later I noticed that the coil had dislodged again. By this time I had accepted that the coil is not for me, my body doesn’t like it so let’s just call it a day. So I went to have it removed but the doctor said because I had had intercourse within the last four days, she didn’t recommend I take it out then as I would no longer be protected and could get pregnant lol. So she said the fact that the coil was there it would still offer me with some kind of protection.

So I left with the dislodged coil still hanging in there. A few months later I found out I was pregnant. Now that freaked me out because although I was trying to prevent pregnancy initially, the fact that I was then pregnant, made me become protective. I found out on a weekend so early pregnancy units and the clinic were all closed but I needed to be checked because apparently the coil could have caused me to miscarriage. I finally managed to get an emergency appointment the next day. They did a scan to see if the coil was anywhere near the pregnancy and thankfully they were no where near each other. It turned out that the coil had dislodged from my cervix down to my vagina. The doctor literally gave the string a little tug and it was out. So yeah it wasn’t doing much protecting at all.

I’ve heard so many stories about people getting pregnant whilst on the coil and in even worse cases the coil has perforated people’s wombs causing them to be infertile. So would I recommend the coil? No. However there are also many success stories so what I would suggest is to do your own research. This is just my experience.

This blog is in collaboration with Chloe Astley, so head over to her blog as she talks about other methods of contraception.

Introduction

So, I basically gave you all a detailed account about one of the most intimate moments of my life and I didn’t even introduce myself. For all you know I could be a psycho lady who eats kids for breakfast lol. I’m pretty sane actually, well that’s kinda debatable but as sane as one can be with a toddler and an infant.

Speaking of toddler and infant why don’t we start there? I’m the mother of two gorgeous little boys, Naeem who is two and Rayan as you know from his birth story is 7 months. Mothering two young kids can be challenging at times and definitely not a bed of roses but it’s definitely well worth it. The amazingness of it certainly outweighs the difficult times.

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I’m married, it was my four year anniversary the other day, May 24th. Hence the title ‘Mrs’. Mrs Coco isn’t my real name by the way. It’s my husband’s nickname which I adopted so, he’s Coco, I’m Mrs Coco, and the kids are baby Coco’s, Together we’re ‘The Coco’s’.

I met Coco in September 2012, we hit it off straight away. Our families met in July 2013 where our wedding date was set and we got married May 2014. It was quite the whirlwind, within two years of ever setting eyes on one another we were already exchanging vows.

As for me I’m Ria, 30 years of age and I was born and raised in London. West London baby! Im of Ghanaian and Nigerian decent and I have 6 sisters. Yep SIX sisters, the amount of times I’ve caught them stealing my clothes or going in my room using something and not put it back grrr. I remember this one time, one of my sisters (I’m sure she knows herself) said bye and ran so fast out the house, I knew something was fishy so I went outside to look and she was wearing my jacket. She’s lucky she was so far down the road otherwise I would’ve dragged her back and took my jacket back, not really lol.

I LOVE going on holidays I don’t feel like I do it enough, I want to see the world and really give my kids the gift of experience. I love good food and YouTube check out my channel and subscribe if you haven’t done so already. I post about motherhood, lifestyle, travel and reviews. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFFxI1iGtcrmoPVJ18KtksA

Im also a young professional, currently on maternity leave, I’m hoping to go back soon because I’m a contractor and as a contractor if you don’t work, you don’t get paid.

I think that’s everything there is to know about me, if there’s anything else you want to know just ask, I don’t bite I promise lol.

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Rayan’s Birth Story

So where do I begin? Some of it is a bit of a blur as Rayan was born seven months ago, I know, I am so bad at doing things on time and yes part of me thinks should I even bother writing this, with how long it’s taken. But to be fair regardless of when I write this, it may still be of benefit to somebody as ladies are having babies everyday. Anyway enough waffling, lets rewind to October 27th 2017.

It’s 8am, induction day has arrived, I am dressed and excited to go have this baby. I call the hospital as instructed and was told to go have some breakfast, then make my way to the hospital.

I arrive at the hospital about 9:30am, thankfully it’s quiet so they book me in right away and show me to my cubicle. Around 11am the doctor examines me and inserts a propess to get things started. At this point i’m excited because if it’s anything like the last time in about two hours my contractions are going to start kicking in and this time i’m definitely refusing paracetamol because I don’t want it stopping my contractions like it did with my previous induction.

A few hours go by and I haven’t even felt a single twinge, I guess they weren’t lying when they said every pregnancy is different. On a brighter note my sisters come to visit, they bought me some gorgeous cakes from Caffé Concerto, strawberries and cream and chocolate and orange yum! They also brought along Naeem with them, awww my baby boy is about to be a big brother and he’s not even two yet (it weren’t planned honestly, it was failed contraception but that’s another story for another day).

Some more hours go by and my mum comes to visit. At this point I’m thinking this baby ain’t ready to come, they should’ve just let me go to term, I was already 39+3 weeks pregnant, obviously I knew it was risky because I had gestational diabetes but by this time it was my frustration talking.

I’d say about 7pm I decide to become an escapee and I left the hospital cannula in tow and went home with my family. I literally walked half an hour from the hospital to my house, with hopes that it’ll help trigger labour, nothing!

I spent a few hours in the comfort of my own home, surrounded by loved ones, they say that sort of thing helps, being in your own environment, not for me though. My mum whipped me up some soup, we all kinda netflixed and chilled for a bit, before I returned to the hospital, still pregnant and still not in labour.

October 28th 2017 at 12pm a doctor comes along to examine me and just as I thought, I hadn’t dilated not even a single centimetre. So the old propess is removed and a new one is inserted.

It was not until about 8pm, I got my first twinge, I was like ooo, the sound you make when something excites you. Like this was a big deal for me, especially as two hours prior I was sobbing and crying my eyes out. I actually broke down because nothing was happening and people were coming in after me and having their babies before me, I was seriously frustrated.

I noticed every few minutes I was getting contractions, so it motivated me to walk up and down the hospital stairs from third floor to basement and back up again. I did about 3 laps and I was like yo, I think I may need to get some pain relief. My contractions were really going for it so I started taking in some gas and air. From nowhere these contractions were coming full throttle, I was getting some really deep ones which brought me to tears. I mean, I’ve had a baby before and I was induced, I even had the drip and none of those contractions brought me to tears. Like I hadn’t experienced this kind of pain before, I didn’t know whether it was because it’s my second baby so it was more painful but whatever it was I needed something stronger. So about 11pm roughly I got diamorphine injected into my butt. That took the edge off the pain a little. 

About 30 to 40 minutes later my contractions were going crazy again, so I told my husband to call the midwife because either this diamorphine ain’t working or this baby is coming. At this point my midwife was on lunch so the interim midwife came over and she asked if I felt like pushing, I said I think so. To be honest I didn’t know what I was feeling because all this seemed new to me but I thought i’m gonna go with yes. Would you believe this midwife said to me that when my midwife comes back from lunch, she’ll check me. Are you kidding me? Three minutes later I could not take the pain anymore so I sent my husband to call her back, I really needed to be examined. Thankfully at that point my midwife came back from lunch, when she checked me I was fully dilated, fully effaced and fully ready to push.

All I had, was the urge to push, my midwife told me not to push yet as I was still in the induction bay and I needed to go to the delivery suite. Can you believe this woman wanted me to walk? I looked at her funny and said walk? I told her point blank there’s no way I’m walking, I was crippled with back to back contractions.

I finally made it to delivery suite and everyone was rushing around, I was in the wheelchair and they wanted me to get on the bed. I had to time it well, the moment my contraction was tailing off I leapt from the wheelchair to the bed and some how I landed on all fours. It was then I realised that they hadn’t administered the antibiotics I needed to take during active labour to protect the baby from Group B Strep. I shouted out to them, you do know I have GBS? The look on their faces when they realised what I had just realised. Anyway for some reason I was told to turn from all fours to on my back. This was not an easy task that they were asking of me but I some how managed to do it.

Whilst on my back I don’t know why but I decided to put my hand down and I felt the top of the babies head then all of a sudden I started panicking, I thought I was tearing. All I could feel was a ball of fire making its way down through my body. The last time I gave birth I had an epidural which I thought didn’t really work. Best believe that day I found out the epidural worked wonders because this time I was in excruciating pain. I could feel everything and I was long passed the stage to have one now.

I think it took about two pushes and on October 29th 2017 at 1:31am my beautiful boy was born with his sac in tact, my waters hadn’t broken, everything had happened all too fast.

Before I could take the mandatory pic of new baby on chest, the vibe in the room went dark and the alarm was pressed. Rayan had gone all floppy and needed his chest pressed, oxygen and tubes to clear his airwaves. My baby boy was whisked away to NICU and I didn’t even get to hold him or give him a kiss. Seeing him wave his little arms in the incubator gave me a bit of comfort and faith that he was going to be alright.

After I was checked over, I was taken to ICU to rest as there were no beds in postnatal ward. That was fine as I was able to get a bit of peace and quiet there. later in the day I was able to check on Rayan, he was doing brilliantly, they had started weaning him off the feeding tubes so that I could breastfeed him. After 24 hours we were reunited, my baby boy was by my side. We spent a further two or three days in hospital until he got his cultures back and for my blood pressure to stabilise. Once we were both clear, to go home.

I know having a baby is a privilege and not a right and I am thankful that I have been blessed twice to be able to have this experience. To anyone who is trying to conceive, I pray you get your own little miracle.

Thank you for reading. XX

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